Spinny-Twisty-Pry-It-Offer

I went to an auto parts store.

I was on an errand, picking up a tool that my husband needed.

#luckyilovehim

Normally, I make a bit of a stink about having to enter parts stores…and this time was no different. Although I do like to browse the tiny tools and tinker toys they have on display, I don’t ever go into these places for any of them…I don’t need them. I only ever see them when I’m standing around trying not to make eye contact with any of the car dudes and gals in there…and when I browse the knives, bulbs, rags and whatnots, I just like to imagine what I would be able to do or make or survive if I did have any of the tools in my pocket.

#airfreshenerformytreehouse

Anyway, I’m just not a car person.

I like cars because they make it so I don’t have to walk and I like not walking. I like that they can carry lots of things so I don’t have to…including my kids. I like that they are mostly comfortable and that MINE has a movie screen so I ALWAYS have the option of keeping my children quiet for small stretches of time every now and then.

I also like that I don’t have to know much about cars in order to drive them.

I may also like that most cars go fast. I like driving fast. I like driving as if traffic is a constantly evolving puzzle, a maze meant to be solved. Some may consider me an aggressive driver because of this. I can’t say that I disagree with them.

#leadfoot #sorrynotsorry #aggressivedriver #roadrageanonymous #icurselikeasailor #onlyinthedriverseat

BUT ANYWAY...the thing is…I like driving. I like cars. I hate car places. I’m not a big fan of talking about cars beyond the color and comfort. I don’t like thinking about them as having lots of little parts and wires and things that HAVE to work in order for the car to work. It’s stressful and honestly VERY annoying to me.

#ihatetediousthings #imtoolazyforcarstuff

I married a “car guy”. Yes, I love him for more than this quality. Yes, there are PLENTY of reasons WHY I love him. I did NOT just marry him because of his car-fixing skills and abilities. But I did consider the benefits of this before I said “I do”.

AND ONE OF THOSE BENEFITS is that I RARELY have to deal with car parts stores.

#notevenkidding #myhusbandknowsit

And this is where I finally get to my point. On the rare occasion that I find myself in a car parts store, I’m always reminded of this super irritating thing that I NEED to say to all of you car parts store people…

#menANDwomen #allyallaretheWORST #youknowwhoyouare

***

“Dear Car Parts Store People…

I’m going to skip over the pleasantries, here, and just get to the point.

JUST BECAUSE I DON’T CARE ABOUT CARS AND THEIR INNER WORKINGS does not for some reason mean that I AM TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THEM. It means that I don’t care about cars and their inner workings. So when I walk into the store and show you a picture of the part that I need and you ask me ANYTHING about it and I stare at you like I am absolutely clueless…it’s because…

I AM. And it’s because I CHOOSE TO BE.

Listen here, you grease-monkeys…my brain is already full, ok? I have FOUR young humans who depend on me to do their thinking FOR THEM. I have my OWN hobbies and interests. I have limited space up there in my head and limited energy to sort and file the bits of information that is constantly flowing in, out and everywhere ALREADY.

AM I SMART ENOUGH to learn the names, functions and qualities of car parts? Sure. I feel like I am as capable of googling things as the next person, definitely able to youtube whatever tutorial I need in order to get by. AM I INTERESTED ENOUGH to actually DO any of that??? Absolutely not. It isn’t necessary.

I married a car guy, after all.

I’m not stupid. I just don’t give any craps about your crap. That spinny-twisty-pry-it-offer tool will do just fine, thanks.

Sincerely,

A Paying Customer

#justgivemethestupidthinger #iwanttoleaveasmuchasyouwantmeto #comeintohobbylobbywithme #letsseehowyoulikeit #bunchacarguyturds

Happy Sunday, Friends. But no happy anything to you, Car Parts Store peeps.

Cheers – Allison.

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